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A Sister's story by Amber

Losing my brother George was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. I find it hard to talk to people about how I'm feeling as I never know exactly what to say as I can't change what happened. I also find it hard to talk to people as I feel nobody will ever truly understand exactly how you feel and because I feel like I am burdening people who have their own problems and I find it extremely difficult to talk openly about his death. If people ask me if I am okay I never know how to respond, whether to say I am fine or to break down and cry. It is the smaller things that hurt to remember and I will always treasure the memories we had together because although he only lived 4 short years and didn't really get to live his life. I feel honoured to be his sister and to have been a part of his life.

When he was first diagnosed with neuroblatoma I didn't quite know how to respond as I didn't know what was going to happen and if he would get better. I constantly hoped he got better but there was always a small possibility that he would not get better, however, I tried not to think about that possibility. Some weeks when we saw him he was his usual self and the George I remembered before he was ill, and other weeks he was extremely ill and weak when he was like this it was hard to cope with as there was nothing I could do to make him better. I always enjoyed being with my brother and I will always love him, miss him and remember the fantastic memories we shared together.

People sometimes call me brave and the truth is I'm not, I'm lucky to have a brother who is as wonderful as he is. He was incredibly brave throughout his treatment and never seemed to complain even when he was in pain. I also feel sorry for my parents as it is incredibly difficult for me to see them get upset or feel a similar pain to what I am going through. People say brothers and sisters don't get enough support however I think that the best support you can get is from your family and friends. However not all my friends seem to understand exactly how hard it is to lose a brother or sister? Some of my friends ask how I am, others talk about my brother and others simply say nothing either because they are afraid to ask me how I feel.

I often feel guilty for his death although nothing I could have done could have prevented it. I sometimes feel guilty if I laugh or have fun with my friends however I know that if George was here now he would want me to be happy and live my life to the full

I will always remember my precious brother and will always treasure the special moments we shared. I will always love him x

"When you are sorrowful look gain in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." - Kahlil Gibran